Our Peace of Mind Must Not Depend Upon Men

An important concept that I know firsthand how hard it is to implement into one's daily life. If we want peace, if we want happiness, if we want to feel complete, we must look to the one above for all things. For only He can fulfill our most inner longings. If we place our happiness in a relationship with another, we cannot help but be disappointed.

If you let your peace of mind depend on any particular person, my son, because you enjoy his affection and companionship, you will live an unsettled life and get entangled in your own feelings; but if you have recourse to the Truth that lives and remains forever, your friend will not make you sad even though he leaves you or dies. The love you have for your friend ought to rest on me; it is for my sake that they must be loved, those whose goodness appeals to you, those most dear to you in this life. Without me, no friendship will hold fast or endure; in every genuine and sincere love I am the connecting link. You ought to be so mortified in the affection you have for those you love that, as far as you are concerned, you could wish to do without human companionship altogether. The further a man goes from any comfort upon earth, the nearer he draws to God; the deeper he goes down within himself, the lower he sinks in his own estimation, so much the higher does he climb in his ascent towards God.

A man who attributes any goodness to himself puts up a barrier against the coming of God's grace, because it is always a humble heart that the grace of the Holy Ghost looks for. If only you would reduce your self-seeking to nothing, and empty your heart of love for anything created, my grace would be bound to flood your heart in fathomless streams. So long as you gaze at things created, you lose sight of him who created them. It is for the sake of that Creator that you must learn to overcome yourself in everything; you will then be enabled to come to the knowledge of God. If the love and interest you have for anything, no matter how trivial, is lacking in restraint, it is holding you back from attaining you highest goal, and doing you harm.

~Thomas a Kempis, The Imitation of Christ, p. 176-77.

ON Despising this world's Honours

We too often become caught up in seeking praise and glory in this world. I must remind myself that I am not seeking the honours of this world, nor the acceptance of a multitude of friends, but it is the world to come which I have my eyes set

The Beloved: Don't take it to heart, son, if you see others winning honours and promotion, and yourself being looked down upon and treated like dirt. Lift up your hear to heaven, to me, and being slighted by men on earth won't make you sad any more.

The Learner: Lord, we live in a world of blindness and are easily led away by foolish notions. Passing my life in frank review, I see that no creature has ever done me harm, so that I have no right to have any grievance against you; but seeing how often and how grievously I have sinned against you, it is but right that every creature should be up in arms against me. All I deserve, then, and rightly so, is shame and scorn, but you, praise, honour and glory. Unless I make myself ready and willing to be slighted and left to myself by every creature, to be regarded as a complete nonentity, I cannot win inward peace and stability, cannot be enlightened in spirit and fully united to you.

~Thomas a Kempis, The Imitation of Christ, p. 175-76

Friends and posting

I've heard from several of you that read my blog. Please feel free to post comments, thoughts, or other spiritual readings to the blog. In the alternative, you can email them to me. I enjoy reading your thoughts and I enjoy reading the writings of spiritual authors other than the ones I post. The concept of truth gives us much to learn in our seeking.


And Merry Christmas to all, old friends and new, during this Season.

All I need in life

I stole this one from my friend, Julie. A simple prayer that should always be on my heart.

Grant me, O Lord my God, a mind to know you, a heart to seek you, wisdom to find you, conduct pleasing to you, faithful perseverance in waiting for you and a hope of finally embracing you.

~ St. Thomas Aquinas.

On Begging God's help and Being Confident of Recovering His Grace

My son, I am the Lord; no strength like his in the hour of distress. When things are not going well with you, come to me. The chief hindrance to your receiving heavenly comfort is your slowness in turning to prayer; you do not come to me straightway and pray to me earnestly, but first you go seeking other things to comfort you, trying to find diversion in created things. All these things, as it happens, do little to help you; it is then that you remember that I am the deliverer of all who put their hope in me; that apart from me there is no help that can do much, no counsel that can be taken with profit, no remedy whose effects can last. But now, when the storm is over and you can breathe freely again, recruit your strength in the light of my mercies; for I am neat, I the Lord, to restore all things not only to their former perfection, but to pile them high and make them overflow with added graces.

~Thomas a Kempis

Even in the worst of our pain, good will come out of it. God always restores greater than that which you lost and He has something in store for us which is greater than we can even imagine (e.g. Book of Job).

Charity, Love, Suffering

The chapter on Charity in The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis really makes one think. The section below is taken from page 170 and hit home. I am sure every person who has read this chapter has felt them touch it in some way. In college, I remember people who would get in arguments about the most meaningful section in this chapter because they would often each find varying passages to be their favorite.

I also like the section that begins one page before on how we must be open to being vulnerable and harmed when we open our heart; we will be hurt (personal experience agrees). Otherwise, he says, to keep it from being broken we must put our heart away in a "casket"; "it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. . . . The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell." ---Wow, so much for being safe and for "feeling in love." But I digress, again. Back to the section:

We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the suffering inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken, and he chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it.

It remains certainly true that all natural loves can be inordinate. Inordinate does not mean "insufficiently cautious." Nor does it mean "too big." It is not a quantitative term. It is probably impossible to love any human being simply "too much." We may love him too much in proportion to our love for God; but it is the smallness of our love for God, not the greatness of our love for the man, that constitutes the inordinancy. But even this must be refined upon. Otherwise we shall trouble some who are very much on the right road but alarmed because they cannot feel towards God so warm a sensible emotion as they feel for the earthly Beloved. It is much to be wished--at least I think so--that we all, at all times, could. We must pray that this gift should be given to us.

~C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves, p. 170

I have a feeling that curing me of my belief that I was "independent" or "self-sufficient" were reasons behind my own heartaches. I'm sure each person has their own story. I truly hope that I have learned to Love God more through my own sufferings (and that each of you have as well). Otherwise, the pain was for nought.

How to pray; Doing God's will

Saying I want to do God's will doesn't always mean I am actively pursuing it. It is a prayerful process and one must actively desire to do His will. I cannot be afraid to turn down that is not God's will; even if it is a good. On the other hand, I cannot be afraid to pursue something if after a careful and prayerful period I discern that it is God's will:

"My son, this is how you should pray in all circumstances: 'Lord, if this is what pleases you, let it come to pass, Lord, if this will be to your honour, let it happen in your name. Lord, if you see this to be for my good, if you judge it to be profitable for me, give me this thing to use for for your honour; but if you foresee it will do me harm, impair my health of my soul, take away from me the desire for such a thing.' Not every desire comes from the Holy Ghost, even though to man it may seem good and upright. It's not so easy to tell for certain if it's a good spirit or an evil one urging you to desire this thing or that; it may be only the prompting of your own spirit. Many people have ended by being deceived; yet when they began it looked as if they had a good spirit for their guide.

So, then, whenever the thought comes into your mind that such and such a thing is desirable, you must always desire it, pray for it, in the fear of God and with a humble heart; above all, you must renounce your own ideas about the matter and leave it entirely to me, saying: 'Lord, you know which way is for the best; let it happen this way or that, according as you will. Give what you will, in whatever measure you will, and when you will. Do with me as you know is best, as pleases you best, and as will best promote your glory. Put me where you will and have a free hand with me in everything. Yes, I am in your hand; twist me around and turn me about as you will. I am your servant, and ready for anything; it is not for myself that I want to live, but for you. If only I could do that worthily and faultlessly.'"

~Thomas a Kempis, The Imitation of Christ, p. 133

On Acquiring Patience and Battling Against Evil Desires

Patience brings about happiness.

The Learner:Lord god, I can see that patience is something vitally necessary to me, because this life abounds in circumstances that thwart our happiness. No matter how carefully I endeavour to live in peace, my days must have their share of conflict and sorrow.

The Beloved:That is so, my son; but the kind of peace I want you to aim at is not one in which temptations are not present, or difficulties not felt. The time when you may reckon you have found peace is when you have been harassed by various temptations and put to the proof by much adversity. If you say you cannot stand much suffering, how are you going to stand the fire of purgatory? You should always choose the lesser of two evils. To escape eternal punishment in the world to come, you should strive to bear patiently for God's sake the evils of this present life. Do you suppose worldly men have next to nothing in the way of suffering? Put the question to those whose lives are a round of pleasures; you will find you are wrong. . . . >p>

~Thomas a Kempis, The Imitation of Christ, p. 128

On the need to Sort and Govern the Desires of the Heart.

Sometimes, even when we are trying to do good and be holy in our choices we are not succeeding. We will always have room to grow.

We always need to turn towards God and ask His advice, His will before we make a decision "on our own."

This reading makes me reflect. It also feels like a baseball bat to the gut.

My son, there are still a good many things you need to learn, things that up to now you have not learned properly. . . .

These: to make your desires wholly in accordance with my good pleasure, to stop being a lover of yourself and to become instead a zealous doer of my will. Often you feel within you the flame of desire, urging you insistently forward; but you ought to consider which motive spurs you the more--my honour, or your own advantage. If it is on my account that you act, you will be perfectly happy, however I make things turn out; if, on the other hand, there is a certain amount of self-interest concealed among your motives, you have something there with you will find a bar and a drag.

You must beware, then, of placing overmuch reliance on any preconceived desire of your own, forgetting to ask my advice. You might regret it later on and come to dislike what at first took your fancy, something you were eager for as being a change for the better. You must not immediately follow the lead of every feeling that you consider good; on the other hand, a feeling that runs counter to your own leanings is not to be rejected out of hand. It's a good thing to use the curb now and then, even on inclinations and desires good in themselves; otherwise, if they are not kept within reasonable limits, you may find that your mind is being pulled in various directions at once; others may find your want of control a bar to their spiritual progress; and if people start opposing you, you may even get thrown suddenly off your balance, and down you will come.

There are times when you have to get tough, and play the man, going dead against your sensual appetite and not caring what the body likes or what it doesn't, but making sure that despite its protests it gives in to the spirit. It must be corrected and made to serve you, until it is ready for anything, until it learns to be content with little and not to grumble at anything not to its liking.

~Thomas a Kempis, Imitations of Christ, p. 126-27

Powerful:
Sometimes, I see a good and think its good for me. I get excited and do my best to obtain that good. Instead, I should be more prayerful and reserved; first asking God if this is what He wants for me.

I just hate to sit back and let the opportunity pass me by.

The Cross

I had the good fortune to attend a rosary prayer group last night. I attend once each month at a gathering held at a group member's house. There are always plenty of great people and several children running around. The children help liven up the atmosphere and make it a little entertaining, even if they can be slightly distracting.

Last night I was highly enjoying watching several of the children run around for the first decade or two. They were bringing a real smile to my face. A smile that I could feel transforming my insides and making my soul smile. As I looked on their playing I couldn't help but wish for my own child to have and to hold (yes, guys wish to have children as well). Of course, before I can have a child I must accomplish a few other steps first.

After a while of this watching, and wishing, I realized that I was not paying much attention to actually entering a prayerful state. It was at this time I decided to turn my attention to the crucifix located on the wall above my head. It was the best decision of the night.


When I looked upon the crucifix with a desire to speak to Jesus, the words in Matthew came to me: "Pick up your cross and follow me." It hit me in a way that was immediate and very real. I needed to accept the issues I was struggling with in my own life because they were crosses, crosses meant for me to handle.


I needed to recognize these crosses, pick them up, and follow Jesus. Moreover, it is ok to recognize my weakness and ask for help with these struggles. Like Simon did for Christ, Christ will help us carry our own crosses if we but ask.

No matter how difficult our crosses seem, they are not meant to destroy us, but to help us grow in our faith and our relationships with God and each other. With each cross we will grow. Remember, Jesus is not asking us to die on a cross for him. No, our own cross will be much easier and Jesus is there to help us with it. Also, unlike Jesus, we can ask our friends and family members to help us with our crosses. They can shoulder a little of the load; not carry it, because each of us have our own cross, but help us with it.

In the end, the final question is based on whether we truly believe that Jesus defeated the cross: Is He more powerful than the cross? If so, with His help, we can defeat each of our crosses as well.

Bear it with pride.

Human Love

Every Human love, at its height, has a tendency to claim for itself a divine authority. Its voice tends to sound as it were the will of God Himself. It tells us not to count the cost, it demands of us a total commitment, it also attempts to over-ride all other claims and insinuate that any action which is sincerely done "for loves sake" is thereby lawful and even meritorious. That erotic love and love of one's country may thus attempt to "become gods" is generally recognised. But family affection may do the same. So, in a different way, may friendship. . . .

Now it must be noticed that the natural loves make this blasphemous claim not when they are in the worst, but when they are in their best, natural condition; when they are what our grandfathers called "pure" or "noble." This is especially obvious in the erotic sphere. A faithful and genuinely self-sacrificial passion will speak to us with what seems the voice of God. Merely animal or frivolous lust will not.

~C.S. Lewis; The Four Loves, Introduction p. 16-18

Concluding thoughts on p. 19

Gift love or Need love

This, as we saw, is a Gift-love, but one that needs to give, therefore needs to be needed. But the proper aim in giving is to put the recipient in a state where he no longer needs our gift. We feed children in order that they may soon be able to feed themselves; we teach them in order that they may soon not need our teaching. Thus a heavy task is laid upon this Gift-love. I tmust work towards its own abdication. We must aim at making ourselves superfluous. The hour when we can say "They need me no longer" should be our reward. But the instinct, simply in its own nature has no power to fulfil this law. The instinct desires the good of its object, but not simply; only the good it can itself give. A much higher love--a love which desires the good of the object as such, from whatever source that good comes--must step in and help tame the instinct before it can make the abdication. And of course it often does. But where it does not, the ravenous need to be needed will gratify itself either by keeping its objects needs or by inventing for them imaginary needs. It will do this all the more ruthlessly because it thinks (in one sense truly) that it is a Gift-love and therefore regards itself as "unselfish."

~C.S. Lewis, Four Loves, Chapter 3, 76-77

Where Are You God?

In times of confusion, hardship, hurt, and suffering we tend to cry out to God more frequently than when everything is going fine. We seek Him, wonder if He is there, wonder if He cares for us, and pound on the gates of Heaven with our fists and our tears. Does He even have a plan for us? Does He even want us to be happy?

It is these times God is using our pain to draw us closer to Him; to make us rely more on Him. Everything has a reason and God has a plan for our lives. Remember, almost all of the best loved saints have stories about their own spiritual darkness that would bring us to our knees.

Today, I came across a beautiful post regarding one woman's struggles to find God in her own darkness. Although I would love to comment on it more, I think the story speaks for itself. Although Simone was dealing with fighting an illness, this story of faith applies to each of our struggles just the same. I encourage you to to take two minutes and read. Make sure you read to the bottom where we see Simone's answers to her own questions. May God's perpetual light shine upon her and may God get us through our own struggles, our own periods of darkness and uncertainty, as we try to seek out His will. Let us turn to the Cross and grow in Holiness and Love.

http://marysaggies.blogspot.com/2010/12/where-are-you-god.html


Aggie Catholics: Where Are You God?: "**Have you ever felt that God just wasn't interested in your problems? **Have you ever felt God was distant and unaccessible? **Have you ever thought that God is just a myth because he didn't care?..."

Locked In

Have you ever been locked out of Church? I have, it is frustrating. This morning was a first for me in another department: I was locked in Church.

Before you start making assumptions about my IQ, let me explain. After Mass at Holy Family this morning I went over to the adoration chapel to begin adoration. Then I slipped out the door to to head back to the bathroom which is located in the vestibule at the front of the Church. When I came out, I noticed that all of the lights in the Church were turned off. I checked the front doors (which are rarely used for daily Mass) and noticed that someone had placed locked bars on each door in order to keep people from getting in. They also have the counter-effect of keeping people from getting out.

Not thinking about it too much, I reentered the Church with the intention to exit by the Adoration Chapel. Unbeknown to me, someone had also locked both of the gates between the Church and the adoration chapel/outside doors. I looked around with bewilderment. There had to be an unlocked door somewhere! right? But no.

I laughed a little, thinking about how original it was that I was locked inside a Church. Then I thought (God knows why) about what would happen if the building caught on fire? I would be burned alive! I started having an argument in my mind of where would be the best place to have my body found if that would occur. Should I lay myself on the altar, as an offering or sacrifice, or should I go hug the tabernacle as to be as close to our Lord as possible when I die? I The other option would be to try and escape. But in that case, my body would most likely be found clinging to an exit door as I tried to force it open. Not nearly as heroic.

Luckily, the building did not burn down while I was in there. I started looking at every door to make sure it was not locked. Eventually I came to a door marked "parish workers and volunteers only." I figured that by being locked alone in the Church for 15 mins, I was as close to a "volunteer" as anyone. So I knocked on the door. The door was opened and I found myself face to face with the Pastor. He was quite surprised to see me in the Church which he knew was locked. When I told him I had been locked in the Church and there was no way out, a big grin came across his face. He must have thought I was an idiot.

I guess I had found a back door to the parish office. Father invited me in and showed me a door to the outside world. This door, of course, was also locked. But it was one I was able to unlock from the inside. I threw it open and was free once more to breathe the fresh air and attend Mass another day.

Campus Lighting Ceremony

How I love the Holiday Season with all the excitement in the air, lights, hot drinks, and joy. Benedictine College, my alma mater, has a traditional campus lighting each year. A good number of students brave the frigid air to come take part in the lighting at the beginning of the Advent Season.

Take a moment out of your day to click on the link below and bask in the warmth and beauty of that campus. BC, how I miss thee! (sometimes)

http://www.benedictine.edu/benedictine.aspx?pgID=2101

Man Night

Tonight was just what I needed. A new friend of mine in CA had been talking about having a Guy's night out for some time when I brought the subject to his attention again this morning. He quickly jumped on the idea again and before I knew it tonight was designated Man Night.

Six Guys, wings (a salad), Buffalo Wild Wings, and enough beer to go around. Fantastic night of friendship and accountability. The kind of night with the kind of guy friends I have not had since I returned to CA. In MN, I had a group of solid guy friends. Friends who would call each other out and hold one another accountable. To the rest of the law school we were sometimes seen as "unapproachable" and "exclusive" (which we were not) because our bond was so great. We were the kind of friends that would go out at least once a week and hang out whenever we had time. And yes, we often found ourselves at Buffalo Wild Wings as well.

But as tonight went, there was accountability, man stories, sports, good times, and did I mention beer? For the most part, we kept our focus off women (which was a little hard to do for the three married men) and on the things that make men, well, men. Some of the conversation pitted the three single guys against the three married men (and thank you for pointing it out; yes we do realize we our single). A great atmosphere of joking, making fun, giving advice, and appreciating the masculinity in each of us.

I hope man night becomes a regular occurrence in CA and we are able to repeat the experience in a way that builds friendships and holds one another accountable in our pursuit of true manhood.

Thank you God for great friends and beer.

Chance Encounters

Last nights post made for a late night. Today I am going to post a little earlier.

I had an amazing day today even though it felt like an emotional roller coaster as I shouted to the Heavens asking God for an explanation of what He wants from me. Yes, there may have been a little frustration there as I continued to seek His will in my life. Every day he wants something from me. Until He answers the questions I have, I must simply continue to get closer to He Who Is, and always will be.

But I digress . . .

The reason, my day became unexpectedly splendid was three chance encounters with people that led to enjoyable and insightful conversations. First, I went to confession with a Priest whom I have never before had the opportunity to confess too. It was delightful; as far as confessions go. The Priest also took the time to turn my confession into a mini Spiritual Counseling session and reaffirm me in my life. Now, I definitely advocate going into confession and simply stating your sins, not trying to "explain away" or "excuse" all of your sins, but when the Priest starts prodding you with questions and giving counseling I am all ears! He also called me to improve in certain ways. A shout out that was much needed and appreciated.

Second, I ran into a woman I was not expecting to see and had no desire to run into. To be polite, I said hello which in turn led to some pleasantries and then a conversation that was quite wonderful (I wanted to use the word enchanting but it doesn't seem to fit the context). It ended up being quite insightful and continued to direct me in my thoughts for the day.

Third, I ran into a friend at St. Mel's Church later in the evening. I haven't seen the person for some time and we were able to connect and fill each other in and discuss issues pertinent to our lives. I am glad to say, we were both able to brighten up the other's day. I left her with a smile on my face.

Praise God for the people you run into who brighten your day and either affirm you or call you out in your discernment and pursuit of holiness. Sometimes, God really knows just who to send.
;)

The reincarnations of the Prayer of Saint Francis

This prayer has played a role in my life for a long time. I first remember using it in junior high school. In college, I blew off the dust and used it with a desire to follow my patron saint in whatever direction God may be leading me. In law school, I wanted to use my tools and knowledge to help those less fortunate and help build a society that protects all God's people and brings them closer to Christ.

It is interesting to reflect on my intentions behind my prayer recitations. Usually, or at least most frequently, I prayed this prayer with an ardent desire to be used by Jesus as His instrument to further the mission of the Church on Earth. I wanted (want) to be a soldier for Christ and His Church; a peaceful soldier. Recently, I have once again found new meaning for this prayer in my life. In the prayer's newest reincarnation, I have been focusing more on how Christ can use me to help family, friends, and others close to me. You can see my most recent emphasis below.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

Where there is injury, pardon;

Where there is doubt, faith;

Where there is despair, hope;

Where there is darkness, light;

and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood as to understand;

to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen.

What do you focus on when you pray these words? Do you have any prayers that you have continued to recite and change the meaning of in your own mind over the years?

Discernment and vocation

"Our vocation is nothing else but to belong to Christ." ~Blessed Mother Teresa

For when I lose focus . . .

Attributes of Love

Love is ever on the watch; it rests, but does not slumber, is wearied but not spent, alarmed but not dismayed; like a living flame, a blazing torch, it shoots upward, fearlessly passing through aught that bars its path. If anyone has this love, he will know what I mean. A loud cry in the ears of God is that burning love for him in the soul which says: "My God, my love, you are all mine and I all yours." . . .

Love is swift, pure, dutiful, pleasant and agreeable, it is strong, patient, faithful, prudent, long-suffering, manly, never seeking its own advantage. For when anyone seeks that, he falls away from love. Love is wary humble and upright; it is not soft, not unstable, not intent on empty trifles; it is sober, chaste, steadfast, keeping due watch on all the senses. Love is submissive and obedient to those in authority, mean and contemptible in its own regard. To God it is ever devout and thankful, ever trusting and hoping in him even when it cannot taste his sweetness; for there is no living a life of love without sorrow.

The man who is not ready to endure everything and stand fast by the will of his Beloved does not deserve to be called a lover; a lover should be glad to welcome all sorts of hardship and bitterness for the sake of his Beloved, and never let himself turn away from him when things go against him.

~Thomas a Kempis

To any of my married friends, do you recognize this as love in your own relationships?

Love

Love says I sacrifice myself for the good of the other person. Abortion says I sacrifice the other person for the good of myself.

~Fr. Frank Pavone

I think the same can be said for any type of "use".

Update: The Difficulty with Making new friends

UPDATED: This post has been updated, see below.

Most of the time, I have no worries about meeting new people. There are, however, a few things that I could really do without. One is:

It is difficult to learn how to act around new friends. New friends are people who do not know your history, the way you grew up, the way your family does things, the way you and your old friends react or interact in a given situation, if you really mean what you say when you say it "that way," what your tone means, etc. They don't know if you have a hidden agenda behind how you ask a question or if you are really being sincere. They don't know if that "tone" means you are excited or not.



I go through this every time I meet a new person to some degree, but right now I am thinking of it everyday because of someone whom is new to my life. I have no clue if she understands why I am saying something a certain way, what I really mean when I say it "that way," if I am doing something that seems completely outlandish or impolite, or if I am even expressing the excitement I feel.

However, those are all things I can help control and I can always come back later and clear them up if need be. It is the things that the other person says, and are difficult for me to understand, that cause the most problems and leave me guessing: is there a hidden message behind that? is she just asking to be nice or because she really wants me to do that thing with her? is the person happy, sad, indifferent?

These are the kind of personality traits about a person it takes time to learn. Time that we must just be patient and let happen. We learn a little more about people each day we are around them.

For example, in my family, people might invite you to an event or an outing just because they feel obligated to do so. I might not want to go unless I find out the person asking wants me to go as well. Usually the tone in how the person asks might give me a hint as to how they feel about me attending. I found out the other night, that in her family a person will only invite a person if they want the invitee to attend. Otherwise she won't even bring it up . . . That makes sense as well, now that I understand. I just had never thought of it that way. In my experience, the tone means everything. In hers, the act of asking means everything.

One less thing to learn in the future.

UPDATE:
I talked to my father about how our family deals with inviting people to events (by use of the tone of the voice). He gave me a few things to reflect on.

My father agreed with me, that in my family we are used to people inviting each other to events even if we do not want the others to attend; in our family it is all about the tone of the voice and how you invite. He mentioned that this drives him nuts because it seems so insincere. We often invite other family members or friends to attend things not only when we actually want their presence to be there, but also for a slue of other reasons including: 1) we don't want to look like the bad guy who didn't invite the other family members to attend, 2) we want to be invited to the events another family is having, therefore we invite them to our event, 3) we are afraid of not being included in being given all the information or attending the other parties so we make sure we invite them to our parties in hopes that they reciprocate, 4) we want to be able to say that we invited the other people and therefore if they don't attend its their own fault, 5) putting on a show as if we wanted them there. . .

It would probably be much better to be straightforward and invite the person when you want them to attend, and not invite the person when you don't want them to attend. That way, tone and inflection are not the sole showing of the desire of the person in inviting you. In a way, I think it is also more honest.

How does your family deal with these situations?

Chastity, The Virtue

Some thoughtful reading from "In Conversation with God."

When we practice the virtue of chastity we seek not only purity of body but
also purity of mind and heart. We should avoid those thoughts, affections and
desires which separate us from the love of God and the demands of our vocation.
(Council of Trent) Without chastity, it is impossible to have true human love,
much less true love for God. If a person were to abandon his struggle in the
realm of holy purity, he would become subject to the tyranny of the senses. He
would descend to an animal state: 'It seems as if your spirit were growing
smaller, shrinking to a little point. and your body seems to grow and become
gigantic, until it gains control.' (Jose Escriva, Furrow, 841) The worldly
person is incapable of having an authentic friendship with the Lord. In those
early days when the Church was surrounded by a pagan and hedonistic environment
she warned the faithful about the pleasures of the flesh which act as cruel
tyrants. Once they have enabled the soul through impurity, they render the soul
incapable of doing good works. (St. Ambrose, Treatise on Virginity) The practice
of holy purity disposes the soul to the love of God and apostolate.

. . .

In our times it may be that many, if not most people find it very difficult to understand the virtue of chastity. They do not see the point of anybody's living apostolic celibacy or virginity in the middle of the world. The first Christians came up against the same kind of difficulties in a fiercely hostile environment. That is why our apostolate on behalf of chastity ought to include the practice of its related virtues. Through our cheerful and friendly behavior we should make chastity attractive to others. We need to sow abundant doctrine about this virtue. Let us be sure to take care in the way we dress, in the way we exercise and pursue recreation. when a conversation takes a bad turn, we should not be afraid to cut short an impure discussion. We should also reject bad forms of entertainment. Above all, let us give a cheerful example with our own life. We should explain to our friends the beauty of this virtue, and how it is that many good fruits come from this practice of chastity--a greater capacity for love, generosity, joy, spiritual refinement . . . We should proclaim loud and clear that purity is possible as long as we use the means that have been recommended by the Church for centuries: guarding the senses, avoiding occasions of sin, modesty, moderation in entertainment, temperance, frequent recourse to prayer and the sacraments--especially the Sacrament of Confession, sincerity, and last but not least, a tender love for the Blessed Virgin. We will never, ever, be tempted beyond our strength. . . .

Do I make chastity attractive? Am I as chaste as I need to be? How can I help myself and others to be chaste?

Fulton Sheen

"There is not much need for wearing hair shirts for sanctity, because there are enough people around us who take the place of hair shirts." ~Archbishop Fulton Sheen.

So true, Archbishop, so true. Learning how to deal with people is what will lead us to Heaven.

Pope on Condoms: The Real Story

It drives me absolutely mad when the media distorts the teachings of the Church or the comments of the Pope. The most recent debacle surrounds Pope Benedict's comments regarding condoms and male prostitution. And no, the Pope is not making a statement that condoms are permissive in this situation or that prostitution is a morally acceptable living.

For a better interpretation on this matter than what the secular press is relaying, go to Dr. Janet Smith's article (Note: I had Dr. Janet Smith as a professor in a class on the Theology of the Body at St. Paul Seminary in Minnesota and feel strongly about her views.) The article can be found by clicking the link.

http://catholicworldreport.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=220:pope-benedict-on-condoms-in-qlight-of-the-worldq&catid=53:cwr2010&Itemid=70

Inside the Sistine Chapel

http://www.vatican.va/various/cappelle/sistina_vr/index.html

This is a great website that shows the inside of the Sistine Chapel from the Vatican. Beautiful images in a 360 degree view. Beautiful music as well. Makes you feel like you are back in the Sistine Chapel. Well, minus the flashes and the guards yelling "No Fotos" and "Shhhh. Silencio," every minute.

The Last Judgment is directly in front of you (Michelangelo). Make sure you look for the Creation Story directly above you.

Bar Results Update

I passed. Now I can add the title "Esquire" after my name. The question is, which should I choose: JD or Esquire? Adding both is not kosher.

Bar Results

Today is the day I find out the results of the California Bar Exam. To say I am nervous would be like saying Tiger Woods cheated on his wife; the understatement of the year.

Will it be the end if I don't pass? No, half the test takers fail each time the test is administered. Will I be disappointed if I fail? Definitely. I have no desire to take that test again. It was mentally the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I lose sleep at night thinking about it and I have been a little cranky lately pondering the results.

While I do not necessarily want to be a practicing attorney for all my adult life, I would like to be an attorney for at least a little while and make money in order to pay down my massive law school debt. How much? That's not for you to know.

If I do fail, I will pick myself up, dust myself off (after a few beers) and most likely try again. I will see it as a challenge and make sure I pass the next time I take the test. "Champions get up when they have nothing left and no one else can." I want to be champion.

In the meantime, I will need to find a job. Loans come due in two weeks. I am ready to move onto the next stage of my life, whatever that may be. I know for certainty that involves moving back out of my parents' house.

Until then I will continue to build friendships and relationships and continue to learn.. I ask everyone to pray for those of us who took the bar exam and are awaiting results. That God's will may be done in our lives and that we may always turn towards His kingdom.

Loves

I had a beautiful night the other day, which reminded me of some of the things I truly cherish in life; things I really enjoy. These are some of the things I Love, feel free to let me know others I should list:

-Watching a lightning storm going on outside your window as you are curled up safe inside with someone you care about.

-Cuddling on the couch deep into the night with someone you care about; talking about everything and nothing at all.

-Playing with someone's hair.

-Giving (and receiving) back massages.

-Drinking hot chocolate or hot tea on a cold day.

-Long bike rides with a friend.

-Visiting family.

-Going to Mass with family.

-Going to Mass with someone special.

-Having long talks about theology or politics.

-Evenings out with friends.

-Beer.

-Playing sports.

-Cooking with someone special.

-Picnics.

-Playing in the rain.

-Trips to the beach or lake.

-Being there to hold and comfort someone when they are sad.

-Raking leaves into piles and jumping in them.

-Playing with little children and seeing through their eyes a sense of amazement at the world.

-Praying with someone special.

-Hiking.

-Sharing bottles of wine with friends.

-Trying new cheeses.

-Opening a good book and racing to get it read.

-Traveling around the world by yourself or with friends.

-Visiting beautiful churches.

-Disneyland.

What are some of the things you like? I may steal them and add it to my post if it reminds me of something I'm forgetting.

Adoration, Silence and Praise

A few thoughts to chew on from men, if nothing else, who were striving for holiness. Relinquishing control and silence are two areas I have a difficult time with in my own life.

"When tempted to lose hope, I have only one recourse, to throw myself at the foot of the tabernacle like a little dog at the foot of his master."

~Pope John XXIII

"In a world where there is so much noise, so much bewilderment, there is a need for silent adoration of Jesus concealed in the Host. Be assiduous in the prayer of adoration and teach it to the faithful. It is a source of comfort and light, particularly to those who are suffering."

~Pope Benedict XVI

Fragrance Prayer

One of my favorite prayers-also beautiful when sung. Thank you for this moment and I pray that each of us may live out this prayer in our own life.

Dear Jesus, Help us to spread your fragrance everywhere we go.

Flood our souls with your spirit and life.

Penetrate and possess our whole being so utterly that our lives may only be a radiance of yours.

Shine through us and be so in us, that every soul we come in contact with may feel your presence in our soul.

Let them look up and see no longer us, but only Jesus.

Stay with us and then we shall begin to shine as you shine,

so to shine as to be light to others.

The light, O Jesus, will be all from you.

None of it will be ours.

It will be you shining on others through us.

Let us thus praise you in the way you love best by shining on those around us.

Let us preach you without preaching, not by words, but by our example;

by the catching force-the sympathetic influence of what we do,

the evident fullness of the love our hearts bear to you.

Amen.

~Mother Teresa

Theology of the Body Post 1: Embracing our Sexuality

I am avid fan of all things related to the Theology of the Body and true Sexual Freedom. I plan on writing many posts that deal with this subject. This is the first of those many.

I recently spent a lot of time re-reading some books on the teachings of the Theology the Body in preparation for a talk I gave to high school students. Learning this great teaching the first time was quite a blessing for me. How I wish I had been taught these teachings about sex when I was younger. It makes so much sense, and the thought process is rational from beginning to end.

It is unbelievable the differences in how I looked at relationships even six years ago versus how I look at relationships now. For example, the point where I thought it was prudent to draw the line in my relationship at that time is much different from the point I think it is prudent to draw the line now.

While researching, I found some quotes by Jason Evert and Christopher West that, when put together, I believe truly explain my new understanding of the ideal relationship, embracing our sexuality, and how a man should treat his girlfriend in dealing with those little physical signs of affection. Yes, I realize I am quote dropping, but I believe that each of these men would agree with the final product set forth below. Moreover, the creator of the Theology of the Body, Pope John Paul II, would also agree with these sentiments. Let me always honor a woman in helping her to guard her heart.

A dating couple is not crossing the line of physical behaviors by holding hands or even kissing. But if a dating couple is holding hands or kissing merely because "it feels good" and not because they want to say what these expressions mean, they've crossed the line in their heart. At a minimum, these behaviors should mean, "I respect you deeply as a person, I have tender affection for you, and I want to speak to you of your goodness." . . . They should be expressions of a disinterested desire to affirm the other person for his or her own sake. [All actions should be made with a desire to "will the good" of the other . . . never simply to make them an object of your use].

Let me strive to always live my dating relationships according to this quote so that I can embody the personalistic norm and prevent a desire "to use" the other from creeping into my relationships.

I am so glad for the opportunity to re-read some of these books in order to prepare for the lecture I gave to the teens. May God open their eyes as He opened mine.

Lord's Day

Too often we forget that Keeping Holy the Lord's Day is not only a good recommendation, but a commandment. Keep Holy the Sabbath is actually the Third Commandment given to Moses on the tablets (Ex. 20). I know I have a hard time with this myself. It has been easier since I finished law school, but too often I find myself consumed by work on the first day of the week.

If we truly believe that He is God, then we should honor him in everything we do. Including, in following all His commandments. Isn't it interesting, that almost every other commandment on that list of 10 commandments is something no person of faith would object to? Can you imagine somebody saying that stealing is ok? Or that one should not listen to their parents? Or, worse yet, that adultery should be encouraged? Yet, for some reason, we continue to try out best to uphold these commandments, while foregoing heeding the Third Commandment.

God knows what is best for us. Other than just the reason that He is a jealous God, and He is (Ex. 20:5) keeping Holy the Sabbath also has a positive emotional, physical, and psychological impact on humans. In modern society we are too often completely overwhelmed by our daily activities and we become slaves to the schedule. We need a day to calm down. We need a day to build relationships with our families and our loved ones. Relationships that are not nurtured will crumble. Keeping Holy the Sabbath allows us to relax, energize, and reconnect with those who are important to us.

So, this week I challenge you to attempt baby steps at doing a better job of keeping Holy the Sabbath. Get your work/homework done ahead of time and don't do it at all during the day time on Sunday. Instead, spend time worshipping your God, praying, or learning about Him. Spend time with family or friends (and not just in front of the television) and growing your relationships. Remember, God made time. If you are feeling as if you do not have enough time to relax and take Sunday off that is the time when you most need to work on your relationships. God will help you take care of the other things later. I also challenge you to hold me accountable in keeping HOly the Sabbath. God knows I could use some accountability.

If we really want to uphold God's word, we should strive to achieve everything he asks of us; including Keeping Holy the Sabbath.

My blog

This is the blog of a Catholic in California. I wanted a place to put my thoughts as I rant regarding all things Catholic, Christian, political, and life in the twenty-first century. I plan on updating this blog whenever the mood strikes. Please feel free to post any comments below.
God bless,
Matt